May God take mercy on the poor soul that gets himself off to this crap.

(New York, NY)

But you really never do know. This one is pretty good. Surprisingly, it took some digging to really get an interesting one in the Big Apple. And so here it is...

SWF Rubenesque Mistress taking applications for house boy - w4m - 35

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Reply to: pers-901264626@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-31, 10:03PM EDT

Taking applications for:

D & D Free Single Male who is dominant during the day but wants to be my House Boy by night.
Must be willing to do laundry, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, and some cooking.
If you are a good house boy and do your job, you will be rewarded by me sitting on your face and letting you orally please me for hours.

In your application please include the following:
Age, height, weight, photo, list of qualifications, and a minimum 100 word essay on why I should select you.
Recommendations a plus!

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 901264626

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There was one thing that I didn't object to in this 'casual encounters' post, and that was the length. She keeps it short and to the point, but far from sweet in my opinion. I'm sure that her sitting on anyone's face is far from sweet tasting. Although if the 'applicant' was a good cook, hopefully he could pamper his pallet with some killer Italian before it's bombarded by that ever hit or miss taste of cooch. As a close friend of mine says "Every vagina is like a snowflake." Taste applies to this too, as some are good and others are not so fresh. I'll leave it at that and move on.

I actually thought of a clever situation this crazy lady may get herself into. Since she wants a "male who is dominant during the day," she better not get herself dominated into doing all of the above and leaving nothing but the sitting on the face for nighttime. Hopefully some men will have the foresight for this, and would even knock out two birds with one stone by inviting her over to their place so that she can do something productive. Not to say that she isn't productive, as sitting on people's faces without mercy and "letting [them] orally please [her] for hours" is no easy task.

So this woman also better be able to give some mad oral. I don't think that guys like to please without being pleased, at least some of the time. Sure it can be a one way street here and there, but this is just crazy. Personally, if I were to eat out a girl for hours (minus the sitting on my face) my tongue would be clocked out after 20 minutes, tops.

And to think that she wants recommendations? This chick is off her rocker by this point. Unless the Craigslist 'casual encounters' section has a referrals section that I have completely missed, it would take a good amount of GHB to get a girl to write a recommendation about how good someone was at oral. And if it really was that good, then why would they write one sober? Girls are cynical and competetive. (For the most part.) What makes her think other girls will give up technique of mythic proportions?

So on a lighter note, this is just an application after all. Thank goodness real job applications aren't like this.

-Swift

Is this guy serious?

(Washington, DC)

After reading this post, I was stunned. The ending is my favorite! This is a m4w post.

"Looking for something worth a damn... - 21 (Leesburg)"

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Reply to: pers-893669650@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-25, 10:20PM EDT

Alright - I'm Hispanic, I got a beard, and I'm chubby!

Dont like sorry hun, hit back.

I'm a sweetheart jerk. I love being a gentleman, but I'll be a pompous prick all the while.

I'm a little under 5'8. And from jump I consider myself someone that deserves love, I aint gonna settle for anythin else. I dont expect to fall in love with you, if we just have a good time, with some shared feelings then its more then worth it. But I want to at least believe the possibility of love is there.

I'm a simple man, that plays chess, listens to underground hiphop, enjoys cooking, holds true to his insane ideals, and philosophies the most mundane things.

I swear Hiphop, Anime and Comic books was my genesis... Music is something that is part of my life, as much as anything else. I always want to have a beat or a rhythm to my life, and music offers this. I love watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of captain crunch mixed with some lucky charms relaxin in bed with my little brothers. I grew up reading comic books, I found myself shaping my identity around my heroes, this sense of nobility, honor and justice that could only be found in fiction, became my blueprint to how I wanted to be as a man.

I'm looking for a girl worth a damn I really dont got a race or size, or anything, just gotta be cute - Its that simple!

• Location: Leesburg
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 893669650

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These types of people that create these ads are hilarious. I always get a great laugh from these flip flop people. To put this in a pop culture lens, Katy Perry would classify this guy as 'Hot N Cold,' which is exactly what this guy is. He's one end of the spectrum, but has episodes with the opposite pole.

I honestly can't find one aspect of this person that displays stability in any perspective. Everything that he says is contradictory. For instance, "[He's] a simple man, that plays chess, listens to underground hiphop, enjoys cooking, holds true to his insane ideals, and philosophies the most mundane things," Are you kidding me? He calls himself simple, yet still holds himself to insane ideals while being philosophical? I'll opt to not talk about the mundane part. I'm sure the point has gotten across.

The second to last paragraph is almost convincing that this person does not have an inner conflict about everything. When he says "I grew up reading comic books, I found myself shaping my identity around my heroes, this sense of nobility, honor and justice that could only be found in fiction, became my blueprint to how I wanted to be as a man," I thought okay, this guy has some moral fiber that doesn't contradict anything.

But then I looked back just to double check, and became disappointed. His idols are comic book superheroes. Fair enough, they're popular with millions. However, this person probably fits more into the villain classification than the hero. As he said, his heroes are noble, honorable and justified. What he did not say was order, which is the backbone for any superhero. Superheros are based (for the most part) around order, not chaos. Villains are more chaos based, while being noble, honorable and justified in their own right. This probably goes without saying, but this person's personality is quite chaotic.

My favorite part is easily his last statement: "It's that simple!" Hopefully people could see through that last ditch of 'normality' this individual tries to convey.

-Swift

All I have to say is, WoW!

(Los Angeles, CA)

So this one was found in the 'best-of-Craigslist' section. I needed an easy one since it's the first blog and I'm tired. So here it is...

Girl seeking WoW player - w4m

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Date: 2008-10-14, 11:01AM PDT


Do you like to PvP in the World of Warcraft? Do you want to have sex with a girl playing arena in the eighteen-hundreds bracket? Do you want to have sex with me WHILE I play arena? Continue reading..


I will be playing my druid.. she is in full Season 3 and some Season 4. I play with another female player on her warrior, but she is not going to physically join us.. she will be on vent or skype listening in, but mostly her purpose will be to keep the game going smoothly by letting me know what is happening so I don't have to pay much attention.

You must be ok with vaginal and anal penetration, as well as eating me out, and you must be able to finish on me twice within one hour.

But more importantly, you must be familiar with the game. You should be not only yelling things like, "Your pussy feels so good on my dick" but also pay some attention to my arena game(s). And be loud. Remember, I'll have my headset on to talk to my partner. "Root him!", "Cyclone so I can pull out and fuck your ass" and so on. You must be kinky, naughty, and very horny. I will be quizzing you, so if you are not sure about your stuff, please do not respond.

What you have to do/have in order for me to consider you:

- You must have at least one level 70 in equivalent gear, maybe we can chat about it.
- You cannot be overweight, but also not the muscle jock body type with a brain the size of a pea. Chubby is BEST!
- You must be able to spell.
- You must be at least 20 years old and no older than 29.
- At least 5'10".
- No blondies.
- Dark hair, dark eyes
- Prefer uncut, but you must be clean. Circumsized will be considered, but not preferred.

About me:

- I am 5'8"
- 150lbs
- Blue eyes and brown hair.
- I know a lot about video games.
- I want to fuck you while I play arena if you fulfill the above requirements. - I am very tight.. I have not had sex in about 8 months.

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For the record, I am not a World of Warcraft (WoW) fan. I think the game is overrated. On the positive side I do not think the game is a complete waste of time. People have become so attached to the game that they actually buy the game's virtual currency (gold) with real money. Hopefully the people that do this will at least break even with the monthly subscription in this business.

My first reaction to this post was that this girl has a serious problem. But then I remembered that when I used to be infatuated with the First Person Shooter (FPS) game Counter-Strike, (CS) I would envy the people (always males) bragging about receiving oral sex while playing the game. Of course I would take their claim with a grain of salt, as nobody knows your a dog on the internet. The idea is what enticed me.

I think that her criteria is specific and quite reasonable. In the gaming world, females are few and far between, let alone ones that play the more in-depth games to such a level that this one claims to play at. She probably won't have trouble sifting through responses and finding someone to fit the bill.

So if this girl were to find someone and they agree to the above terms, how could this all happen in a chair? It would have to be in a chair, right? She would need both hands for the mouse and keyboard, so I would assume that the guy would be in the chair, facing the computer. She would be straddling him with her back to him, also facing the computer. She could do the work by going up and down, or he could move his hips while she stays at a constant height. Also, he "must be able to finish on [her] twice within one hour." This seems difficult in my book. If I were a hardcore WoW player and this were me to try and fuck this girl on her terms, I'd probably disappoint. Sorry ladies, but I don't think I can handle; having sex in a chair with your back turned, paying attention to the game, being loud, giving suggestions and try to have an orgasm all the while you're trying to play and get off at the same time. All within an hour's time frame.

I do however, think that the oral sex is perfectly doable. I'm sure no guy willing to go down on a girl would have a problem doing it while she plays video games.

-Swift