So I definitely have a man crush on this guy. He can dish out the hate like no other, as well as create an easy to read Craigslist rant and rave on the 'missed connections' section. These posts are few and far between, as I can totally relate to this guy about a different type of people. Plus, it's funny in the raw.
Southwest Flight Las Vegas to San Diego Tuesday evening - m4w (San Diego)
Reply to: pers-899973304@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-31, 2:13PM PDT
To the cackle of three witches sitting behind me. Thank you for making the last leg of my business trip the longest hour and 20 minutes of my fucking life. All I wanted was to relax and get home to sunny San Diego and my family after two long days in St. Louis where it happened to be colder than a witches tit. Things started out well for me. I got an emergency row window seat with plenty of legroom to stretch out my 6’1” frame. Then you three hags came bounding loudly down the aisle and sat right fucking behind me…Two middle-aged homely white bitches and your younger Asian underling who delusionally thinks she’s all that, ranting loudly about your real estate marketing report that’s going to kick everyone else’s ass. I saw your folder…you work for KB Homes. Knowing they would actually hire three dipshits like you reinforces my desire to NEVER buy a KB home just out of spite. You three subjected half the plane to 90 minutes of your inane bullshit conversations. Let me help you out with a couple of things that came up.
To the bitch who’s boyfriend is a racecar driver that travels a lot and doesn’t have a large capacity of love to give you. Newsflash honey, the reason he doesn’t have a lot of love to give is because there’s not much left after he’s done bangin’ all those other bitches while out on the road. I strongly suggest an STD check.
To the bitch that thinks she has it all because you drive a Mercedes and live in Del Mar. A 1989 Mercedes 190E and a one-bedroom apartment don’t count…Anything more than that is a result of your husband having a successful career that you somehow believe you earned through the once-a-month blowjob. However, if he is really successful then you wouldn’t be working an obvious mid-level job at K fuckin’ B Homes for what…$45K/yr? Listen up, your feeble attempt at public validation only reinforces your weak insecurities you pathetic hag.
I tried to bust out my IPOD and blithely drown you harpies out, but just as I pull it out of my computer bag the little rubber gasket on one earpiece pops off and bounces into the unknown nether regions of a 737, lost forever. Shit!!! I was then going to breakout my USA Today crossword puzzle that I was saving for the flight but was afraid if I did I’d end up stabbing you three blathering bimbos to death with my ballpoint pen. Then I’d NEVER get to see my family again. I peered through the seat crack. Not surprisingly you weren’t wearing your seatbelts as the rules obviously don’t apply to you. I spent the next 45 minutes debating my chances of survival should I yank the emergency door handle down and watch as the sudden decompression sucked you three vapid bitches out the door at 29,000 feet. Lucky for you three my Jack and Coke arrived just in time.
PostingID: 899973304To the bitch who’s boyfriend is a racecar driver that travels a lot and doesn’t have a large capacity of love to give you. Newsflash honey, the reason he doesn’t have a lot of love to give is because there’s not much left after he’s done bangin’ all those other bitches while out on the road. I strongly suggest an STD check.
To the bitch that thinks she has it all because you drive a Mercedes and live in Del Mar. A 1989 Mercedes 190E and a one-bedroom apartment don’t count…Anything more than that is a result of your husband having a successful career that you somehow believe you earned through the once-a-month blowjob. However, if he is really successful then you wouldn’t be working an obvious mid-level job at K fuckin’ B Homes for what…$45K/yr? Listen up, your feeble attempt at public validation only reinforces your weak insecurities you pathetic hag.
I tried to bust out my IPOD and blithely drown you harpies out, but just as I pull it out of my computer bag the little rubber gasket on one earpiece pops off and bounces into the unknown nether regions of a 737, lost forever. Shit!!! I was then going to breakout my USA Today crossword puzzle that I was saving for the flight but was afraid if I did I’d end up stabbing you three blathering bimbos to death with my ballpoint pen. Then I’d NEVER get to see my family again. I peered through the seat crack. Not surprisingly you weren’t wearing your seatbelts as the rules obviously don’t apply to you. I spent the next 45 minutes debating my chances of survival should I yank the emergency door handle down and watch as the sudden decompression sucked you three vapid bitches out the door at 29,000 feet. Lucky for you three my Jack and Coke arrived just in time.
- Location: San Diego
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Now for my part, even though most of it has been done for me.
Sometimes, I find myself mad at people for undisclosed reasons. 99 percent of the time, it's their fault, too. The part that angers me is that these people either don't realize the cause of their self inflicted problems, or just ignore it all together and continue to live an ignorant lifestyle.
This man, (tall, as described) is identical to me in this respect. He doesn't know for sure that, "the bitch who’s boyfriend is a racecar driver that travels a lot" is cheating on her. Certainly, it is the blatantly obvious conclusion, but nothing is certain. Not standing to this woman's defense or anything, as I do agree with this anonymous man. She is retarded.
The second "harpy" is pretty annoying to me as well. I always loathe the people that make themselves up to be way more than they could possibly ever become. Luckily I do not meet these people often. Good thing, too. I would probably end up making these people hate me if I hung around them too much. It's their fault though, because eventually I'd be so fed up with the shit that they fed me I'd have to have some words. They would go something like this: 'You're a shell of a person with no depth or self-worth.' I'm confident to say that the author of this Craigslist post shares my viewpoint.
Although I do defend this poster in his situation, I wouldn't debate pulling the escape hatch. There are many other people on that 737. Good choice to not fall off the deep end there, champ. My history in air expeditions has been pleasant when it comes to nearby passengers. The last trip I took resulted in me and a cute blond making smalltalk about our trips, what we were doing with our lives at the time, etc. She was a year older than me. The best part worth mentioning over the other bits is that we both had thought of the Fight Club scene when taking off. The scene about how people make friends on the plane, only to never be seen again.
As for the last note of this blog, where would this guy be without alcohol? I know some good and bad stories of people and what they do at the airport with alcohol in their system, but what about this guy? Could he be a good case or a bad case? My bet is on the bad, but this time it turned out to be good. The lesser of evils prevailed, and a 737 liner was saved. Cheers.
-Swift
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